take.me.away [entries|friends|calendar] hyperangel1214 [ website | my songs ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

if you're sleeping, are you dreaming? if you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me? [02 May 2007|12:22pm] [ mood | drained ] i really need to start writing in here more to vent out. here's news: mike and i are done.done. i have no energy to try and fix something that's beyond repair. but we're friends. and it's nice. i'm dating kevin. kevin is incredible. he's the funniest person i've ever met in my entire life. he makes me really happy. we joke around so much, and i can be myself around him. no matter what i say to him, i know he'll be there for me. it's great. i have a job i love. i love the people i work with. it's sweet. i haven't seen a lot of my friends in a while (i.e. colchester). buttt i'm getting paid this week, so i'm definitely going to try and go down in the next two weeks. it'll be sickkk. family is fine. on my mom's side anyway. i don't talk to my dad's side. i graduated, and i'll be going to college in the fall. maybe a class in the summer. sweet. break my heart

forever and a half [25 Nov 2006|05:02pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | evanescence ] so wow it's been life since i've updated. mike and i are still together. it's been over a year now. i'd write everything that's happened but that would take way too long and i don't have the patience. Greg and i are on reasonably better terms. Mattie and i don't talk really. ever. Chantal and i almost never see each other. and we rarely talk. except about how we don't see each other. i don't really talk to anyone of my friends except Sara. i'm still at avon high becuz i was retarded and didn't graduate. i'm not applying to colleges. i gave up. i'm going to go to a community college next september. i turn 18 in about 2 weeks. i graduate in a month and a half. ish. i want to move out, but i have nowhere to go. Mike doesn't want to live with me. i don't have the money to get an apartment. i work at Toys R Us for minimum fucking wage. i live in bristol. i don't have my own room. my room is the living room pretty much. or as my parents put it... the 'rec room'. the only people i really talk to are Mike, his friends, and my step brother. i have a niece and nephew who i babysit frequently. i student teach choir at avon middle school for my class at avon high. that's my quick update. yippee. break my heart

fury of the storm [27 Feb 2006|07:41pm] [ mood | busy ] [ music | dragon force ] i haven't really updated or anything lately. so here's a brief list of what's going on: * i'm on better terms with Greg. which is good. i mean we're not all best friends or anything, but we can talk. which is good and i'm happy for that. * i've realized who my real friends are. who will actually take the time to see me or attempt to hang out with me. which are all of like, what, 3 people? i talk to Nicole a lot more about our problems and stuff but she acts different in school than when we talk online. it's kind of weird. i've realized i lost a lot of my friends, but i gained a lot more. i see Mike like every day of my life, and stayed there all vacation. while he was in school i either hung out with Alex or Chris, which is awesome. i like the fact that i can hang out with Alex and it's not that like we only hang out cuz i'm dating his friend. i've also become a lot better friends with Chris which is awesome. the four of us had a blast this week. i wish we'd see Shaina more though. she's nice i like her. * i've started to really miss college people. for reasons i dont know either. i miss Kevin with my life. like at coffee house i didn't want to sing because it was our thing. i miss tomford which i'm not sure why. he's completely awesome, we just never really talked. same with bartles. both of them were just like the kind of people that would talk to me, but only hang out to like, hook up i guess. idk. awkward. * i've missed Chantal. she was like my best friend for months and just stopped. it's really ever since the car accident. idk. but for whatever reason we just stopped talking i guess. i've also missed Mattie for god knows what reason. he was just fun to talk to i guess. idk * Mike and I basically decided we're getting married. like, we've planned it out haha. i love him more than i've ever loved anyone. it's ridiculous. idk how to explain it. i'm empty if we're not together. i could never imagine life without him, nor would i want to. i should probably go finish homework *sigh* damn. break my heart

to Greg... because i know eventually he'll read this [27 Jan 2006|04:29pm] Greg, i'm sorry for everything that has happened in the past year. i really just miss talking to you and hanging out with you. i'm sorry for the last day we spoke when i cried and flipped out at you. i'm sorry that you'll mainly remember me that way, and not how i was happy with you at one point in time. i just want to talk to you. you're my best friend and i miss you. and as a friend... i love you. 8 break my heart

michael [01 Dec 2005|10:06pm] [ mood | lonely ] so i have a new bf and have for a couple weeks. this is my rant that i wrote in english today: so i wish i could begin to explain how i feel about him but he wouldnt understand. he is my every thought throughout the day. he always sees me smile and laugh, and granted im like that most of the time, its even more extreme when im with him. i know he says he never knows what to do when we hang out but i dont care. one of my favorite things to do with him is just to lay down and know he's next to me. sometimes i feel like he doesn't love me, however; that he only says it just to say it. because i look back, and theres no real evidence that he does. he's never really showed it i guess if thats how i can put it? and it worries me sometimes. but then i continue to think that, i've never really showed it either. it's not that i dont love him its just like, idk how to express it with him i guess. like, most of my boyfriends all said corny stuff to me and id say it back. and i guess that was like a method of expression. thats basically how id like, pour my heart out. but mike shows little or no emotion like, 99% of the time and its hard to tell. like, i want to just fall on my knees, take his face and scream "show SOMETHING... ANYTHING! just show me you care! i love you! i love you more than anything! i want to be with you forever, i need you!" but i dont. i never do. i never say anything. i sit there day after day and remain quiet, thinking one day, just once, he'll say something. but thus far, it hasnt, and i continue to silence myself. he told me what he was going to do for our one month // my birthday. and im not gunna lie, i would have loves it probably. but i'd rather him SAY something. i want him to tell me like, how much i mean to him i guess. not online. not in a text message. i want him to kiss me and tell me. just once. so that was my rant. in other news, last week him and chantal got in a car accident. i cried and met them at the hospital. tired. write more later. 7 break my heart

lately [11 Oct 2005|05:04pm] [ mood | confused ] well i've been seeing a lot of Mattie lately. and we hung out with Chantal this past week which is awesome cuz i've missed her so much! its awesome seeing her more now i love that girl haha. idk its weird because every couple days Mattie will be like, so when are we gunna go out? and idk when we are. or if we are really. apparently i have to meet his mom first haha. i've met his sister and she likes me, and im def taking her to the mall with me soon haha. it'll be awesome. and a part of me really does want to go out with him, then there's a part thats like 'NO STOP THIS WILL BE A REPEAT OF EVERY OTHER RELATIONSHIP YOU'VE HAD!' and idk. maybe thats right. he just has a lot of emotional things going on. like hes depressed all the time. and, had i known him a year and a half ago, he would have been exactly what i wanted, because that's when i had the energy and patience for shit like that. i'd be so into it and be determined to change him so hes not depressed all the time and make him happy, but im just not like that anymore. i just dont have the patience. i dont want all this crap drama with relationships. i have enough drama with family and i dont need it with a boyfriend. boyfriends are where i go to escape shit like that. Mattie also like, won't open up to me whatsoever. anytime he's upset or depressed he just won't tell me why. he'll shut me out. which, frankly, is too much like what i do. and i can't deal with someone like me haha. its too much. so idk. maybe in time i'll end up dating him. who knows. in other news, i have a future husband. kidding. no, i talked to Devin a lot of yesterday. what a cool kid. i miss him. i wish we were better friends when i lived there. sometimes i wonder what life would have been like for me if i never moved back to Avon and i had just stayed in Bedford. i'd probably still be on speaking terms with Darrin. and because 7th grade crushes own, i could have gone out with Devin hahahahahaha. but that's okay, because we decided we're getting married, even though he's gunna go to college in FL. haha. i probably would have never smoked or drank had i still lived up there. idk. life would have been so much different. then i wouldn't have dated all these shit guys in Avon. no offense if you're one of them (i.e. Greg cuz i know eventually you'll read this haha!). but idk. would have been cool to live there. i told Devin when i move into the new house (which is very unlikely because everyones against us) then he needs to come and visit. when i go to visit PSU i'll def tell him and have him come with haha. i basically live on myspace, so if you have one, send me the link and i'll add you ;) haha. tomorrow i get out of school early so i think i'm gunna go down to Waterford // Colchester to visit Mattie and Chantal. party party. i dont have work til 1 on thursday so i might stay down there. yeah, getting pretty bored now. feel free to comment ♥ 4 break my heart

lately [02 Oct 2005|10:46am] [ mood | happy ] well 2 days ago (friday) i left at 730 to drive to waterford to visit Mattie at work and see my fam in moodus. i ended up getting lost so i called Greg and we were on the phone for over an hour trying to give me directions. by the time i called him i was already in storrs. so around 1015 i get to best buy and see Mattie. we hang out and visit Chantal. i called by dad but he never answered so i didn't see them. i left at 1 and got home at 2. i almost didnt make it out of colchester cuz my gas light was on and i could only pay in cash, which most gas stations dont do after like, 11. so i had to drive and find one Matt told me about. sooooo tiring. then yesterday i filled up my gas tank and went down to waterford again. but this time i didn't tell Mattie. we text message a lot so i'm like 'guess what' and he replies 'what'. i said 'im in best buy' (where he works) and hes like 'oh which one' im like 'urs dumbass! tell me where you are' i was hiding so he wouldnt see where i was until he knew i was in his best buy so i was waiting for a reply. but he walked toward the front door and found me in one of the aisles and seemed really happy to see me. so i went to the section he works at and apparently some ppl he works with didnt believe i existed so he showed them haha. quite amusing. i got to best buy at 5 and he didnt get out til 7-730 so i went to the Crystal Mall right down the road for a few hours. saw some cute things but didnt end up getting anything. at 7 i left the mall and went back to the waterford commons where Matt works. i went to subway and got a sub which i didnt even finish and just drove around waiting for him to get out of work. we ended up going into Dick's for a while. then we went to his house so he could change, then to the beach. we hung out there for a while. it was gorgeous cuz by this time all the stars were out. then we went to stop and shop and back to the beach. some of his friends were there trying to open this car. one guy ended up breaking one of the side windows. soooo hilarious. then we went to go visit Chantal =). haha i miss her. we were there for a while and Chantal called Greg. we were late picking up Mattie's sister so we went to go get her and drove her home. she's sooooo nice haha. she's like 'i hope you stick around! really! and i never say that!' haha she was funny. so after we dropped her off we went back to the beach and layed on this blanket and looked at the stars it was so gorgeous out it was cute haha. then at around 1145 i left and got home around 1230. Matt had left me this message on my myspace so i read that and it was sooo sweet haha. so we talked until about 1 cuz we were both really tired. and yeah. so yup that was basically my past couple days haha. nothing else to really write about. break my heart

past couple days [28 Sep 2005|04:29pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | ---nothing--- ] idk things with Greg are rocky. i mean i care about him a lot like as a friend but if im ever with someone he doesn't like hes a completely different person and gets mad at me. which brings me to yesterday. Chantal's friend Mattie came up to visit me yesterday. he got lost somewhere so i had to go find him in Hartford. made the trip twice as long as it should have haha. so i drove there, met him at a CVS, and had him follow me back to avon. we were on the highway and he drove next to me and honked so i looked over and he was lifting up his shirt so i just started cracking up. we finally got back to avon and hung out for like an hour and then Sara came over. we all talked and went online and agreed to go get pizza. we drove to the bank so i could get money, and realizing i had 11 bucks in my account, had my mom transfer more money. so we went and ordered our pizza and i went back to my bank again to see if the money was added. Mattie decided it would be fun if he could jump up and hit the bank sign. and he did. you saw him jump and then heard a boom and then "AH" haha. he cut his elbow on the sign. sososo gross. all bloody. so we walk into starbucks and i ordered something while mattie was in the bathroom washing his elbow. so disgusting haha. i hated seeing it so after starbucks we went to walgreens and i bought him band aids haha. we met Kate at walgreens and saw her for basically 15 minutes haha. we picked up our pizza then Mattie Sara and I headed back to my house, where we each ate only one piece lol. so we hung out, eventually put eyeliner on Mattie cuz he wanted to, and then drove Sara home. my gas light went on so we drove to mobil and i put some in and then we came back to my house. then Mattie and I hung out for basically an hour-hour and a half and then he drove home. it was really a lot of fun i was happy he came up here! and while i was writing that he called me hahahahaha. today was pretty boring. got out of school at 12. came home. took a nap haha. and im really hungry so im probably gunna go heat up some of that left over pizza haha. byeee. break my heart

ah more this weekend [24 Sep 2005|04:30pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | the tide.the spill canvas ] so last night i didn't really do anything. i went to bed early cuz i was tired as hell. today i was supposed to hang out with Icky (Dave) but he had to teach until 330 and i had work at 530 so yeah. now i'm working 530-close and tomorrow after i go to UofH i'm going to see Just Like Heaven with Icky so it'll be a lot of fun. i'm really excited. i miss seeing this kid every morning haha. well im gunna eat and get ready for work... so... that was my update! ♥ break my heart

busy busy weekend [22 Sep 2005|06:39pm] [ mood | crazy ] i was supposed to go to a concert tomorrow night but it effing sold out! argh. friday: TOGA DAY! hot new toga haha. then toga dance tomorrow night! amazing. saturday: during the day im hanging out with DAVID ICKY!!!! sooo excited <3 miss him soso much haha! should be lots of fun. then saturday night i work 5-close. gross. sunday: 9-3 i'm going to University of Hartford for a tour of campus and talking to some of the people in the music department, should be fun. found out if i go there i get 20% off tuition bcuz Chuck is an alumni. i wont get in but if i did haha. im looking at WCU at the end of october. gosh i hate college. 2 break my heart

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